not that clean

back to SG
Sunday, July 17, 2005

It's been 4 weeks and now I'm back in Singapore. Back to the linear and fast lifestyle, to the busy and loaded school stuffs, back to a cage-like environment that I'm happy to escape from. If I had the choice I wont be coming back here. I would rather just stay with my family and friends back home in spite of the chaos and instability that my country is facing today. And I really dont have the choice but only to go back and continue my studies here in SG. After all I was the one who "ultimately" decided to accept this scholarship.

Time really passes by so quickly that sometimes we dont even remember what just happened. It seems only yesterday when the immigration officer in Changi airport stamped the 30 day visiting pass on my passport, when I first entered my bridging class, and now I'll be starting the next school year as a junior student. A fact that I'm not really looking forward into.

My first three years in Singapore (including my bridging year) haven't been that great academic-wise. If I always excel in everything I do during my high school years, now I'm just an ordinary university student who gets average grades and even failed his maths. And I somewhat hated myself for that. I wanted to put the blame to someone or something so I can at least console myself and remind me that it's not my fault why I'm turning into a failure. But there's no one and nothing to blame except me.

I alredy made a promise to change for the better before. I wont be promising this time coz I dont want to hate myself if I failed to fulfill that promise. I wont set any expectations and marks but rather do my best to become a more responsible and mature person and try to more appreciative of the blessings that God has been giving me.

I'm back. I'm stuck to a place I dont wanna belong. I cant do anything about it. I dont have a choice but to make good things out of it. That's what I'm gonna do. That is.

iFLEW @ 9:58 PM | 0 comments <
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